she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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