She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently you make a good broom.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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