Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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