One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
