I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
