Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
