Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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