Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
