After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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