do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
