Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
how drunk are you?
Several
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
