Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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