Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
