It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
