So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
