He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
