at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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