Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
