turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
