Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
