well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
