is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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