She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
