the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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