im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
