At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
