Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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