Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
