Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i think i just lost a toe
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
