just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
