I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
