I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
