Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
