there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
