We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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