i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
