Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
