I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
