I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
