I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
