Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
