just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
