I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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