So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
