Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
