just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
