farters have to be the big spoon...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
