well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
