There is no way he is gay with that hair.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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