meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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