I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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