Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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