Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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