My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
