i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
